Predestination

The issue of Predestination is one that i opposed from the beginning of my walk with Jesus. One of the reasons that i opposed it was because i didn't see God as being fair if he were not to give everyone an equal chance of finding salvation. It seemed evil to not make salvation based on our choice, our free will. As a result i thought that would make God seem like a cruel dictator deciding arbitrarily who would live and who would die which didn't fit well with my idea of justice. The problem was one of roots. In my roots i believed that man was pretty good by nature, or that i was anyway, and thus that all man need in order to find Salvation is a choice. Those who do not choose do so because they are evil at heart and those who do choose do so because they are good at heart. The problem, or one of them, with this idea is that it is not grounded in scripture. In fact when the Bible talks about man before he enters into relationship with Jesus it basically states that he is completely evil. Now don't go crazy this is not saying that there is no good in him but that man is evil in his actions, he is out for his own gain even if it hurts others. In the ESV we have from Romans 3:10-18
"“None is righteous, no, not one;
11no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
12All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.”
13“Their throat is an open grave;
they use their tongues to deceive.”
“The venom of asps is under their lips.”
14“Their mouth is full of curses and bitterness.”
15“Their feet are swift to shed blood;
16in their paths are ruin and misery,
17and the way of peace they have not known.”,
18“There is no fear of God before their eyes.”"

In context what Paul was dealing with was the fact that there was no difference between Jews and Gentiles, that both were under sin. This was something that the Jews would not have believed, they wrongly believed that they were good and the gentiles were evil, they were the chosen ones after all, chosen by God. It appears they seemed to think that they were chosen because they were better than the Gentiles but here we see that is not true. But the point is simply this that No one seeks after good, there is no one who is righteous. Its not that there are good and bad people and the good people choose Jesus while the bad people don't. We are all bad people and those who choose Jesus only do so because we have been granted faith by Jesus himself. We love because he first loved us.
When i had read through sections like this in my Bible i protested in my heart that i was good, i sought after God, clearly this must not be speaking about me. But it does and now looking back on myself and the circumstances through which i really came to faith it was at a time where i had done in the exact opposite direction from God, during this time i was seeking pleasures in all of the worldly ways possible and it was at this time that Jesus came into my life. I was not a good person, i did not seek God, instead i ran away from him but he pursued me with his love and how could i reject him especially considering he showed me that my way wasn't bringing happiness. Once i came to this realization and the realization that i had manipulated the scriptures in my mind to make them say what i wanted them to say it was at this point that i finally understood Grace. It is at the point where you understand how sinful you truly are that you truly understand the greatness of God. That it wasn't that i was great in choosing God, nor that he choose me because i was a prize, which is really the same thing, instead he choose me because he is great and though i did not deserve salvation he gave it to me anyway.